35 Funny Parenting Quotes from Celebrities you love

Celebrities, they’re just like us! When it comes to parenting, the hard parts are universal. These funny parenting quotes will remind you that no matter what we’re all in the same boat! Hilarious parenting quotes from famous people will make you feel better about your own parenting.

Funny Parenting Quotes from Celebrities

1. Reese Witherspoon on managing 3 kids

“When I had a little girl at 22, I was even more determined to, I don’t know … I went from just surviving to, ‘Who do I want to be for this other person?’ That’s what happens when you have a child… You kind of look inward. [When you have three], your eyes cross. You look so far inward that your eyes cross. No, you’re just confused all the time.” — Reese Witherspoon

2. Carrie Underwood on the delicacies of parenting cuisine.

It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of food that my kid didn’t finish… — Carrie Underwood

3. Phyllis Diller on dusty furniture

“… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.” Phyllis Diller

4. Paul Riser on the transition to parenthood

“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.” — Paul Reiser

5. Kristen Bell on the hard truths

“It’s always grounding to get the friendly reminder from your 3yr old that ‘mom, one day… You’re gonna turn SIXTY.’” Kristen Bell

6. Jerry Seinfeld on the openness of children

“Being a dad is, you know, it’s a surfboard on a rainbow: You’re getting all you can handle of life. What I like about having kids is when they’re on the toilet and you knock on the door, they just go, ‘Come in. ‘ Nobody else does that — nobody just invites you in when they’re on the toilet, defecating.”Jerry Seinfeld

7.Matthew McConaughey on the basics

“They eat, they crap, they sleep, and if they’re crying they need to do one of the three and they’re having trouble doing it. Real simple.”Matthew McConaughey

8. Ray Romano on the relatability of kids

“Having children is like living in a frat house- nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” Ray Romano

9. Lin-Manuel Miranda on passing the torch

“My son wrote a song called ‘I Just Want to Eat Bread Now.’ I knew he’d surpass me but not so SOON.” Lin-Manuel Miranda

10. Angelina Jolie on sleep deprivation

“First thing in the morning, we’re really tired, and we look at each other and we wonder, ‘Are we ever going to get sleep?’ And yet, it doesn’t matter if you don’t get sleep. It’s an honor to take care of them.”— Angelina Jolie

11. David Frost on having more than one

“Having one child makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee.” David Frost

12. Jim Gaffigan on being a Dad and other Funny Parenting Quotes

“It’s interesting, when I was single I never really saw myself as a family man, but now that I’m married and have two beautiful children it’s really made me appreciate being alone.” Jim Gaffigan

13. Franklin P. Jones on patience

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” Franklin P. Jones

14. Julia Roberts on the triumphs of parenting

“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.” Julia Roberts 

15. Peter Ustinov on having 4 kids

“I have four children which is not bad considering I’m not a Catholic.”- Peter Ustinov

16. Nia Vardalos on Mom accessories

“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” Nia Vardalos

17. Mila Kunis on the joys of pregnancy

“Stop saying, ‘We’re pregnant.’ You’re not pregnant! Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady-hole? No. Are you crying alone in your car listening to a stupid Bette Midler song? No. When you wake up and throw up, is it because you’re nurturing a human life? No. It’s because you had too many shots of tequila. Do you know how many shots of tequila we had? None. Because we can’t have shots of tequila. We can’t have anything, because we’ve got your little love goblin growing inside of us. All you did was roll over and fall asleep.” — Mila Kunis

18. Erma Bombeck on #momhacks

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” — Erma Bombeck

19. Lane Olinghouse on getting a child’s attention

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” —Lane Olinghouse

20. Ryan Reynolds on #Dadlife

“On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting daddy’s freedom.” Ryan Reynolds

21. John Wilmot on deeper understanding

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; Now I have six children and no theories.” John Wilmot

22. Ed Asner on the struggle of kids

Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” — Ed Asner

Best Funny Parenting Quotes

23. Mindy Kaling on two-year olds

“My two year old rain into my room first thing this morning, and then, clearly coached, shouted ‘happy Mother’s Day mommy!’ And then before I could respond, she picked up a pair of scissors and said ‘can I play with this, it’s special to me.’ it was the best.” Mindy Kaling

24. Michelle Pfeiffer on saving for therapy

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” Michelle Pfeiffer

25. Milton Berle on the important questions

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – — Milton Berle

26. Andy Richter on the hardest parts of parenting

“I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.” Andy Richter

27. Sam Levenson on siblings

“Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.” — Sam Levenson

28. Jodi Picoult on the job of Mothers

“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.” Jodi Picoult

29. George Carlin on role models

“If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both f**ked.” George Carlin

30. Anne Lamott on the realness of parenting

“Being a parent is absolutely exhausting and draining, along with all the joy and love.” Anne Lamott

31. Conan O’Brien on being greeted by his kids

“Just searched ‘blase otters’ on Giphy so I could show you how my kids react every night when I come home from work.” Conan O’Brien

32. Neil Patrick Harris on the best thing about parenting

“I’ve never felt more tired and broken down, nor more awake and alive. My parenting skills are both terrible and amazing. Having children makes you grow in a thousand different directions, and I am just so thankful to my kids for all of it.” Neil Patrick Harris

33. Nora Ephron on 15 year olds

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”Nora Ephron

34. Amy Poehler on surviving without an hour of sleep

“Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.”Amy Poehler

35. Taye Diggs on character commitment

“Busy Spending the morning as various dinosaurs with my son. He expects nothing less that 100% commitment. The most challenging acting ever.” Taye Diggs

Funny Parenting Quotes from Celebrities